6 Months In

Roger and I have been fostering 2 boys (ages 3 and 4) since October 21st, 2010. It's probably a good thing that I didn't start blogging about it right off the bat because if I had, no one who read my blogs would ever want to foster...EVER. It was the hardest thing I have experienced so far in my life and while I'm sure God will throw some more curve balls my way, I hope none are quite like that. It was...AWFUL. Thank you Jesus, that I can say "was." If it wasn't for the love and support and shared-suffering of my wonderful husband, I would have had an October 23rd post that said "ya right, I don't think so!" and thus our short-lived experience with fostering would have ended. Fortunately (?) it didn't go quite like that. Granted, we did try to toss the kids back because it was like a little taste of hell, but by the time they found a place for 1 of them, we were ready to keep them both so we didn't take them up on that. Do I regret that sometimes? Yes..yes I do. But for the most part the things I have learned about myself and the love of these little guys is more than worth it (I say while enjoying a much-needed night of respite). Ya know..our foster agency really made an effort to prepare us for having to say goodbye to these kids we'd eventually get that we'd fall in love with so quickly. What we weren't prepared for was to want to send them back so desperately that all I could do to function from day to day since that wasn't happening was cry. Who knew that that hard issue WE would have to face would be wanting to stuff them into an envelope and stamp "return to sender" on it? That was completely unexpected and really hard to mentally adjust to. Aside from how awful it was, we also didn't expect our first placement to be a long-term deal either...

It's hard to capture the last 6 months in a decent amount of time and space on this blog, but suffice it to say, the "omg-where-the-hell-is-my-receipt-I-must-return-them-immediately" mantra that was chanting in my head for quite a large portion of the last 6 months has now faded to only an occasional murmur. Thank God for the small blessings. =)